The lobster and the crab

In this comprehensive thesis on shell fish, i attempt to analyse in 7 well written paragraphs why we pay more for lobster than , crab or prawns. It makes no sense to think that a lobster is inherently more expensive than a crab, afterall both are ridiculious looking bottom dwellers that feed on the shit that real swimming fish pass out.

So let;s analyse the lobster from an aesthetic point. here we have a creatre that is not exactly enderaing ( puppy ) or regal ( eagle ), and yet we find the appearance of a lobster to be a high point on the dinner table, a poached lobster will out shine any roasted chunk of meat. A lobster is symmetrical, a lobseter is also sleek with it;s pincers outstretched, it meets the feelers ( that we all love to pull at chinese restaurants) where the head is, and on to cute little inky black eyes. the lobster is a baroque dream come true with its great number of folds and complex layering. A lobster is fussy and exotic, but most of all.. a lobster is rear wheel drive. it;s general appearace suggests speed, or a potential for a certain type of explosive sprung accleration. A lobster looks in herently right because of vauge associations of power that comes from the rear. ( cheeta, BMW, farts ) . And as dull conservative humans, we like that..

And the beguiling attractiveness of the lobster extends itself to past the point the poor bugger has met it's maker in a quickly warming pot. The japanese love to do a lobster salad that is all victorian fetish. the creature is topped and tailed and has its head cleaned, up turned and presented on it back. With its tail in a similar position at the far end of the platter, the chunks of lobster flesh are laid out in between on a fussy graphic of layered tomatos and sequenced cucumbers. But as if we would find it odd that we might be shocked to actually see the nakedness of the shelled meat, the japanese then smother the whole lot is a smooth fruity salad cream concotion. the qualities of the lobster needs to be carried through from poach to paunch. the dish obeys the lobster.

As a counterpoint let us briefly examine the crab.

oh dear, what a mess, it;s squat, it's square, it's got eight legs so it is always confused, and it is crossed eyed like one of your distant uncles. to make matters worse it moves like it has got ginormous forearms that it does not want and the poor bastard walks side ways. In summary the crab looks like it has got no friends.

Go to a restaurant and order crab, and see how it arrives. pulverised to bits, quatered and tossed in stuff, the crab arrives at the table looking distinvly uncrab like, stewing in a virtual pool of muck.

a lobster needs to stay alive and pretty in water, crabs are left like dirty rocks in a basket.

So these are the reasons why lobsters costs more than crabs. Got it?

The next time you are out for a meal at the food court, get ahead in life and screw the wan tan mee, and have a lobster instead, your elegance and symmetry will thank you for it.


this is a poor homage to roland barthes.