It hits you in the face.
After the mental rush of writing about the key things on my mind ( green, tea ,blue, shit, running, french cars, old calculators ) i was dragging my feet to the train station, asking myself.. how was i going to keep this blogging up? what Was there left to report on in this world? How was i going to keep the fans happy and yet wanting more.?!
At this point i entered the ( sorry i am still walking to the train station at this point, stay with me ) slipstream of a bunch of , well what seemed to be a bunch of tourists i think... from ( not the occident, the.... anyone..anyone? ... you there at the back ..) when it hit me in the face... I will have to write about body odour. And this is serious. Don't let the badly punctuated nature of this blog fool you into thinking that I don't have some sort of underlying message. Ahem .. so
Let's make somethings about Body Odour clear :
The following don't make up for B. O.
1. A good heart
2. A nice personality
3. Talent
4. Looks ( good )
5. Anything actually
B O is a problem in our climate and yes it does happen. it happens to me, him, her and yes you . So let me present a very objective and non-bitchy guide to dealing with the problem. But i will do this via 2 specific groups of individuals.
1. Those who don't know that they smell.
2. Those who like to be smelly.
Yes these people do exist.
THOSE WHO DON'T KNOW THEY ARE SMELLY
To this group I say, please consider larger noses. Or if you are not too sure, adopt a new walk that includes taking 5 rapid steps backwards when you feel a tail wind. To these people may I introduce to you the following pieces of equipment.
1. The shower
Showering involves the washing of one's body with a constant stream of water and a soap of some sort. You can find out more about the actual chemistry of this on the internet, but safe to say it helps in controlling the odour problem. Please give it a try and note that ... The shower is not an oversized toilet bowl and it is not a way to take a secret piss. It is also not true that your stomach grows fatter if you shower after dinner, Well not anymore. this problem only affected humans born in and around the 2nd world war. The development of Far - infrared technology has rendered this problem obsolete. Do the shower twice a day and unlike most medical prescriptions, stay on a constant course of it and don't stop. ever.
2. The washing machine
the washing machine is a large device smaller than the largest of its type and is often avalilable in a white paint finish but can often be found with a round door on the front that does not usually have a television where the more senile among you might think that it eats clothes. The ultimate point of this device is to wet and twist your clothes with a substance called detergent. This white powder has the healing power of Jesus and slays evil smells, but like humans and sin, the redemption is short lived and original odour returns at first sweat. Why do we do this, when it would be more convenient to tear your garments away, gnash teeth and start afresh with new robes? Well simply because unlike some of camels that have passed through the eyes of needles, most of our cups do not runneth over. ie: it is expensive.
3. Deodorant
How to put it. De- odourant, Un- odourant, Dis- odourant, Ok?
Ask for it taxonomically from your chemist/ mama stall and start from the top of the family tree, just buy anyone. In these early days you can afford to not be choosy because we all have to start somewhere. Follow, the instructions on the can/ bottle and yes, apply it to your body, don't just pop it down the front of your trousers you weirdo.
Now for the next lot:
PEOPLE WHO LIKE TO BE SMELLY
Screw you bunch. I promised to be objective and non-bitchy, so screw you lot and stay away from me.
Exonerate!
At this point i entered the ( sorry i am still walking to the train station at this point, stay with me ) slipstream of a bunch of , well what seemed to be a bunch of tourists i think... from ( not the occident, the.... anyone..anyone? ... you there at the back ..) when it hit me in the face... I will have to write about body odour. And this is serious. Don't let the badly punctuated nature of this blog fool you into thinking that I don't have some sort of underlying message. Ahem .. so
Let's make somethings about Body Odour clear :
The following don't make up for B. O.
1. A good heart
2. A nice personality
3. Talent
4. Looks ( good )
5. Anything actually
B O is a problem in our climate and yes it does happen. it happens to me, him, her and yes you . So let me present a very objective and non-bitchy guide to dealing with the problem. But i will do this via 2 specific groups of individuals.
1. Those who don't know that they smell.
2. Those who like to be smelly.
Yes these people do exist.
THOSE WHO DON'T KNOW THEY ARE SMELLY
To this group I say, please consider larger noses. Or if you are not too sure, adopt a new walk that includes taking 5 rapid steps backwards when you feel a tail wind. To these people may I introduce to you the following pieces of equipment.
1. The shower
Showering involves the washing of one's body with a constant stream of water and a soap of some sort. You can find out more about the actual chemistry of this on the internet, but safe to say it helps in controlling the odour problem. Please give it a try and note that ... The shower is not an oversized toilet bowl and it is not a way to take a secret piss. It is also not true that your stomach grows fatter if you shower after dinner, Well not anymore. this problem only affected humans born in and around the 2nd world war. The development of Far - infrared technology has rendered this problem obsolete. Do the shower twice a day and unlike most medical prescriptions, stay on a constant course of it and don't stop. ever.
2. The washing machine
the washing machine is a large device smaller than the largest of its type and is often avalilable in a white paint finish but can often be found with a round door on the front that does not usually have a television where the more senile among you might think that it eats clothes. The ultimate point of this device is to wet and twist your clothes with a substance called detergent. This white powder has the healing power of Jesus and slays evil smells, but like humans and sin, the redemption is short lived and original odour returns at first sweat. Why do we do this, when it would be more convenient to tear your garments away, gnash teeth and start afresh with new robes? Well simply because unlike some of camels that have passed through the eyes of needles, most of our cups do not runneth over. ie: it is expensive.
3. Deodorant
How to put it. De- odourant, Un- odourant, Dis- odourant, Ok?
Ask for it taxonomically from your chemist/ mama stall and start from the top of the family tree, just buy anyone. In these early days you can afford to not be choosy because we all have to start somewhere. Follow, the instructions on the can/ bottle and yes, apply it to your body, don't just pop it down the front of your trousers you weirdo.
Now for the next lot:
PEOPLE WHO LIKE TO BE SMELLY
Screw you bunch. I promised to be objective and non-bitchy, so screw you lot and stay away from me.
Exonerate!
posted by Synth at 8:36 AM
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