So this is what a blog is for : Coldplay's Talk

Long have I tried to keep this blog a sanctuary of reason and objectivity, but being the very vunerable and ever so slightly opinionated person that I am, I am afraid that I have to use this particular post to rant. There are some things that need to be said, and well some times it's fine if you can get it off your chest and be done with it on the spot. But in this particular case, I had no such luxury. So I'll use this blog as a space to bitch about the band called Coldplay.

I was in a 7-Eleven on a Sunday afternoon buying an Ultra big gulp when I heard Chris Martin's distinctly half developed voice over the in-store speakers. "Ah another fucking cold play single" I say to myself as I concentrate on trying to fill more ice in my already runneth-ing over cup. As in, I was trying to localise the drink back splash to only the ice guard ... look never mind.

Now... I've owned 2 Coldplay albums, and I have to admit that they did feature in periods of my life. But I guess I've always have had a nagging feeling about them... Like, well, some thing was wrong. Why was listening to Coldplay so easy? Have we not heard the chiming guitars before? Have Brian Eno and the Edge with U2 already covered this ground before? Why all these anthems? And even worse, why the focus on all songs to be half baked anthems? With life's current atomized state, where we are all screaming for attention from our singular insignificant life views in hope that we might find some worth to life at all... Does Coldplay not write the songs for our needy self centeredness? The Answer is... that they do... and... they do it fucking well. For every nervous person worried that life will pass him by with nary a chance for him to tell his story, there is a shit Coldplay song to tug at the heart strings and make one feel at the centre of his world. How sick, how manipulative.how coldplay.$

So bad enough that Coldplay have written the soundtrack to the lives of millions of unfulfilled sods on autopilot. Nevermind that all these people think that Coldplay have written these songs " especially for them" , Nvermind that this this band have targeted the " chicken soup for the fuc..... tribe of bored middle aged "married my school sweetheart" university graduates AND NEVERMIND that .... I of all people ....have been sucked into Parachutes and A Rush of Blood.... as well.

Standing there in the 7-Eleven, listening to their new single " Talk" I'm going... hey I've heard this before.. I offer an internal brain fart.... going , hey it's Chris Martin, but I know the tune in the back ground .. I hum it cos I know it will lead me to.... Kraftwerk! Fucking Hell Coldplay have stolen the Riff from Computer Love!

The magnitude of this was too great, but I looked all around me and well, I was stuck , who to tell? Not the cashier, she was only good for taking my money and telling me where the straws were. Not my Judo friends. I mean how many people have a copy of Kraftwerk's Computer World album? Not being a snob, but it's not everyday listening and miles away from, Say... the Pussy Cat Dolls.

I won't drag on, but Kraftwerk's 1981 Computer World was and still is a seminal piece of analogue Synth Krautpop that has influenced many a band. Listen to it now and it still sounds fresh. I does to me at least.

And what have Coldplay done? They screwed it up with a cheesy chiming guitar cover of the main riff and layered the mess with Chris Matin's Awful Awful lyrics. It;s Talk, Oh he sings TALK, TALLLLLLLKKKKKKK Let's TALK.... oh so nice... Sounding more like the kind of lyrics that will befit a tacky UK Mobile handphone network advertisement than.. than hell dunno, it's Just plain fucking nonsense.

Of course I can point the finger squarely at Kraftwerk for letting them use the sample, but who am I to say anything?

So not only are Coldplay Cynical vigilantes targeting Anthemic aural bullets into the wounded open hearts of searching middle class souls, They, crucially, HAVE NO MUSICAL TALENT TO SAVE THEIR LIVES.

I leave you with these thoughts.